Every wedding is different, every marriage is different, and that means every divorce is going to be different – mainly because every person is different. With this in mind, and understand that divorce itself involves a significant number of difficult decisions, it can be hard to determine whether or not mediation is the right path to go down. Here are some considerations to bear in mind when you’re coming to your conclusions.
Unlike some other aspects of a divorce case, mediation is entirely private, and this might suit a lot of couples who would rather not have their details made public, especially when it comes to the end of their marriage and their assets. At the end of the mediation process, the mediator actually destroys any notes made, and they can never be called as a witness in a divorce case. In other words, whatever is said in mediation is never going to be known to the outside world, and no one can use it in court.
You Need To Keep Perspective
Divorce is an emotive subject, and anger, guilt, sadness, and more can all rise to the surface. If you’re unable to keep these emotions under control – or you don’t feel you should have to – then mediation isn’t going to work for you. When in divorce mediation, you need to be able to keep perspective so that you can come to an agreement that works best for everyone. If you’re angry or distressed and you want your soon to be ex-spouse to ‘lose’ (no matter what that means for you or anyone else), then you’re not going to be in the right place to try mediation which is all about trying to see things from other angles and come up with a fair solution.
Mediation is not a quick process. It can take a number of weeks just to get an appointment to see a good mediator, let alone the mediation itself. If you are in a hurry to make changes, to move on, to come to some kind of agreement, then there are other avenues to explore before trying mediation which, even if it is successful, will take many weeks and can delay everything else including the financial settlement.
Was Abuse Involved?
If the relationship was an abusive one, the couple should skip mediation altogether. As we’ve said, mediation means having to put yourself in someone else’s position, understand how they feel, and get a better idea of how you can move on. If abuse has taken place, this kind of empathy is simply not possible. Not only that, but it may well be that the abused party does not wish to be in the same room as their spouse, and it may even be dangerous. Plus, after abuse, the decision to end the relationship has probably already happened.
As with every part of the divorce proceedings, there will be money involved when it comes to mediation. It is not a cheap choice and can be very expensive indeed, depending on the mediator’s experience and reputation. Think carefully about your finances before opting for mediation, as it can have a significant impact.